After walking for 30 mins, went to cold rock to get ice cream, I seriously will never mix those flavours ever again. HAHA. I wanted bubblegum but they did not have it. HAHA. :) Anyway, today was a good day I guess. It has been way worst for the past days, hopefully things will get better. :)

Please cheer up special friend, I hope you are feeling alright. Can't seem to contact you.

=( Always here for you if you wanna talk.

I miss my baby brother. =(

I shall blog about the SYC meeting.

I had such a long day today and I'm like really really tired. =(

So class started at 10am, I was almost last woke up at 8 45 and like I had not enough time to get ready and all so I rushed as fast as I could to catch the bus to school but thankfully the buses all came and I was still the earliest there.

Planting practical was boring I guess we sat there and drew out planometric map? and I could not draw anything because I forgot what I wrote about in my report and it had to match with the drawing, so I decided to draw it at home.

So we went for lunch and like after that was Josh's class. I really have no comments for him, like literally, no more words can express how I feel about his teaching skills and all. So like my group, we are seriously rushing for time coloured like a million things and like we still have o scan upload, colour and write descriptions. KILL ME!

After class ended went to meet her at wisma and then we walked around there for a while then went for dinner. It was quite nice, I was kind of reluctant to try it but I'm glad I did try it. It was really nice. :) I owe Amanda money again. I'm really broke. I owe my daddy money too. =s sigh.

So then after dinner we went to walk at taka, and we saw Amanda's friends working there I guess ____ is okay. HAHA. =p But like ice cream was good as usual. :)

After Orchard, we bused down to church for CAP. OMG, I was really tired by then, and I could see by the faces of people everyone was really tired and moody. *cough* I think you know who you are. HAHA!

Amanda and I got paired up to do cap and I guess it was pretty okay, gave oranges to 12 residents and I'm happy they opened their doors for us. :)

We ended at like 8 45, so Amanda and I waited for everyone to come down and like we thought we could go but Amanda and I had to wait for my mother for like 2 hours? So we just sat and talk to Paul, Benedict, yan leen, Shirley and some others. I was already falling asleep, but when Yan Leen brought up the topic about YE, I had so much to say. HAHA, and they were my views no one has to agree with them or whatever.

Yeah, So I just got home and I'm really tired and I think I shall finish off writing my testimony and a bit of my planting project then I think I should go and sleep.

I hope syc is fun tmr! :)

Maybe it's just today that I'm feeling like this
but I feel really _______ by ___________________
I hate it, everything you say is ______________
Sigh, I guess I have to get use to it huh?
SIGH!

Sigh.. some days everything seems to be so fun and like you wish that day never ended. Then the next day comes and all the joy, happiness seems to fade and you just really become really negative about everything.

I keep making stupid mistakes, and I keep asking God to forgive me. And after I confess my sins, I'll just keep making the same mistake over and over again.

I don't know why but I feel really bad inside, evil and mean. I wish I could just shut my mouth at times and not say anything. ARGH!

THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK MEL.
because, it will hurt other people. =(
I wish I can turn back timee...

I Love looking at pictures, it's the only thing that makes me laugh these few days. :)
Lord, Let me find Joy in you. :)

Point Of Difference :)

This Morning, Freaking shocking I have to say, It was like what? 3-4am?

I'M STILL SHOCKED!!!
But I kept it cool in the morning but I guess it has not sunk in.
But when I woke up like now, I have to admit that I was like _______
But then I went to take my Bible and read some verses and I think I am quite okay with it. :)

Anyway, the verses mention this word which i'm so lacking:
TRUST TRUST TRUST.
The one major problem I go through everyday in life is trusting him
I find it really hard to put my life on someone that I have known all my life but I have never seen him or anything.
what is worst is that at times I have felt that there is no such thing as God. Then I just stop and think and how can there not be God, where I am now is by the Glory of God. I should not complain about how screwed up my life is and why all these bad things keep happening to me.

And then when I go through all these things, I just helps me know myself better which is good in a way, but most of the time I realised that I'm the problem. I can't change anything unless it's God plan.

I just have to trust him and do everything for God. Kenneth told me : Put God first in everything.

So why is it so hard for me to put Him first? I think I just don't love God enough. I put earthly things, people, feelings before him. I know it sounds like I'm a really a bad christian. But I guess every Christian has a day when they feel like this.

You know what I want to have?
I just want my parents not to be disappointed with me
I just want to be loved
I just want to be a shining light for God
I want to help God save more people
I want to accept myself
I want others to accept me for who I am

When I get rejected by my parents or anyone. My entire world falls apart the closer you are to me the harder it is for me to love myself and when I keep trying and they are not pleased. It just breaks me into million pieces.

My mom told me once that: I will never be the top of the class when I went Qss and she told me I should not get upset and all if I don't do well. (I think there is a better way to phrase this, like I will never forget what my mom said to me and I don't know but ever since she told that to me, it stayed with me and I kind of let it affect my studies and all)

And In SYC yesterday, Uncle David told us that what we are today is because of our childhood. I know it may seem like my childhood is perfect or whatever but I think I was more emotionally criticised by people around me and it really did make me think differently now. And like most of the times my friends were there but like the best thing to hear is when your parents are proud of you.

There is wall I put up between my parents I just can't let it down and like I know they have been loving and supportive at times but other than that they were really not the parents that showed me love and I can't trust them. Just so many things they have told people of me that should not have been said.

I realised I'm really blogging everything out, hmmm there is more but I don't want to type anymore about it.

I shall stop here for today.

SO TODAY I HAD TO ATTEND SYC. :)

It was really really good I have to say, the leaders totally rock and everyone is really funny. :) Makes me really happy that I'm there and I can grow more with God there.

So Uncle David led us with the first Bible study and like he's really really funny! He told us about his background which was really cool and like he knew what to say to make us laugh and learn about God all the same time. :)

Today I learn that we have to put God first and that I should stop and think about God before doing anything in my life, like I have to seek God first. :)

YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M REALLY EXCITED TO START OFF THIS YEAR WITH SYC. :) THIS IS ONE THING IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW THAT I NEED. A PLACE WHERE I CAN JUST GO AND SPEAK MY MIND AND ALL. :) THANK YOU GOD FOR BLESSING ME WITH THIS CELL! I'M REALLY EXCITED ABOUT IT. :)

But don't worry, YE WILL ALWAYS BE MY LOVE. haha

So anyway, Today went HOUSE SHOPPING. haha, I did not want to go at first because like I hate the fact that I'm leaving farrer court. =( so we went to hazel park to meet some agent to tell us more about the place and all, and surprisingly I really like it there. :)

It has everything you can ever ask for. haha but my dad said that if he thinks God wants us there then we will be there. I HAVE TO KEEP PRAYING. :)

Can I just say something?
I'M REALLY BOTHERED BY STUFF GOING ON IN MY LIFE. SO IF I CHANGE TO BITTER MOOD PLEASE EXCUSE ME OKAY? AND I DON'T WANT TO GET ANY BITTER ANYMORE BECAUSE I'M STRESSED ENOUGH.

no one can help me, I can only help myself get over it. But thats if I want to let go. Everyone says it's easy. But seriously speaking...... IT'S FREAKING NOT EASY. =( SIGH.... WHY IS LIFE SO TOUGH.

School was pretty alright today, I'm beginning to enjoy the topics we are learning now for genetics. So yeah anyway class ended pretty early and I just wanted to leave before the crowd comes for the open house.

I'm really tired.
I have been working on my Landscape Project from 1pm-1am last night. Thanks to Ming Jie for telling me an easier way to fill up the "land".Thanks for teaching me how to calculate the area and stuff. :)

Just to tell you, I did my work till 1am but guess what I'm still not done. HAHA, Fantastic Mel! haha! I'm going to finish if off later. =p

So yesterday before I went to bed, I just had something in me that wanted to hate myself and others too. Then God spoke to me, he said in this journey, we will face things we thought we will never overcome and then there are things we wished last forever. But he said, No matter how bad things have become just trust in the Me.

Then today, I guess there was still some anger and hurt but I told myself I have to put things aside and I can't be selfish, God's not selfish and we are supposed to lead a Christ like life right? So yeah.. I think I got over it.

God's Plan is perfect. I have to trust! I keep going through all these trust trials because I think God wants me to learn how to trust in Him, and he will carry me through. I thank God for giving me funny friends to cheer me up. :)

Okay, enough of all these problems, now for things I have to do:

1. Finish Up BQ for Landscape
2. Meet Up with Corrinee tmr
3. Meet Joyce Tmr
4. Study for Microsporogenisis test tmr
5. Finish Up PNM project
6. Do Notes for exams
7. Finish the Bible Study for sunday

:)

*Edit

I'm done with my Landscape. And I was deep in thought and then the sadness suddenly came back. sigh..

I was in church from 2-9 on Saturday, it was really tiring but I felt that Sarah's session with the CGL and ACGL was really fun and fruitful. I enjoyed the role play part the most. haha!

So we were all given roles to play in a cell group, there were words like inattentive, disruptive, participative and quiet. So I had quiet at first which was so not fun! HAHA. Felice was so freaking funny but I think she did not know it.

So Fel was given the role to be inattentive and like we actually started the role play thing but she did not know and like suddenly she just stood up and walked out of the room. HAHAHA, then I was omg that's freaking funny then Li en said that she was urgent and needed to go to the toilet. haha!!!

So then after that I was given the role as disruptive and like Shu "asked" Felice a question then they started diverting and it was to see how shu and li en could handle it. And like then Felice asked Daniel, how was dinner then shu en was like "you can ask Daniel about dinner after cell discussion" so fel could not ask Daniel how was dinner, and me being the disruptive one was like "so Daniel how was dinner". HAHA, everyone started laughing. =p It was good to like let it all out.

We did some drawing on the drink packets too. haha. :) Cute huh? haha.
So Sunday, Lead worship and I felt that I did not lead worship for like really really long. haha But like I'm really thankful everything went well and like I really tried to feel his presence there with me. :)

Thank you musicians for playing so well for worship today! :)

So after everything, the older youths started deciding where to go for a trip and like I think we are going Taiwan. haha, but it's like not confirm yet and I have to ask my dad hopefully he will let me go and I think it's going to be lots of fun! :)

So after the looooonnnnnnggggg discussion, we headed for service and like it was quite okay I guess but I know my heart was not there. haha After service we went to Holland village because Amanda and Shu En had to work today, we we went to have nasi lemak and laksa for dinner it was really really yummyyyy. :)

Then we headed to cold rock! I had the nicest ice cream ever! bubblegum+m&ms+crunchie. :) YUMMMYYYY, Lydia scooped the ice cream for me but some random guy mixed the ice cream for me. I think Shu, Amanda and Lydia did really well. :) It's very nice to see them work and it seemed really fun! haha

So anyway, school tmr it's the last lesson for I & E and I guess it's quite sad because I really really love events mang. It's my dream/goal to be an even manger. :)

But Anyway, I know right now I have been really moody and like I think i'm going through this "test" God gave me and like right now I'm struggling to pass it. But through suffering comes perseverance. And like I think that I should let go of some things in life because it's affecting my walk with God, like stop watching so much tv and stuff, because these days I just have no mood to do anything. haha

But like I HAVE to press on because at the end of all this all glory goes to God and no one else. :) Thank you God for my friends and family. :)

I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE TO MOVE OUT OF FARRER COURT SOON! =(

It just struck me that I really really love Farrer court. You only treasure something when you realised you may lose it. This sucks. I have been living in Farrer court for like 9 years? And like It 5 mins to Shu En&Li En's House, 5 mins to Amanda house, 10 mins to My grandmother's house, 15 mins to Church, 20 mins to Orchard Road... I don't want to leave this place it's so perfect, location is great, friends and family all around me.


I know when I move into my new place it's going to be somewhere far. I miss Farrer Court already.=( Playground, BBQ Pit, Gym, Tennis Courts, Basketball Court, Track. I just love it more as I keep thinking about it.


I wonder where God will move us, I hope it's better than what I'm expecting. haha. I have about 8 months(max) left here. I better treasure every day.

Sometimes I know I just annoy the hell out of people.
I'm sorry
Me being sick+ school work= annoyed me

Please cheer up, I know I kinda made your day even worst
I'm sorry that my grumpiness got the better of me.
I really hope I did not ruin your day.
Please smilee.

Night people, I just feel really sick.

Today, we had dinner with Ben, because he was leaving for army soon. Quite sad but yeah every guy has to go through it. I hope Ernest is doing fine in there. :)

So we went NYDC for dinner, the food was _____, but like I think I will never go back to the NYDC unless it's for like mud pie or ice cream. haha, the menu was really funny, had the words like "why not?!" on it and Shu, Kenneth and I could not stop laughing at it. HAHA
So dinner was pretty alright, Paul kept filming everyone, was rather funny but after a while I just decided to hide my face. HAHA so then after dinner we went to take pictures near the apple centre, I don't know why but we did and I saw my events mang lecturer. :) He brought his friends to eat ice cream. He was really supportive when we had our food fair. :) HAHA. Thanks! =p

After dinner, we walked to lucky plaza to play pool, like major fun? I enjoy pool a lot even though I totally suck at it. At first I was in the same team as Daniel, then he had to go so Shu became my new pool partner, and together we rule the world! haha, nah... shu and I lost like 2 games? BUT BUT! We won one! we totally won that game by free ball and the rest stand thingy, but, we won! we were like super happy! Lets do our victory dance!!!

We then got chased out of the pool place which was kind of sad because we were having so much fun. :)

Okay, there is school tmr, sigh much. But anyway, thanks to everyone who bothered to ask me if I was okay. :) I really felt much better after I got home. Thanks clicky for making me feel better, because I really did feel much better after spilling my problems. :) Thank you.

So yeah, tmr. I have no comments about school. I already wrote in about the Landscape teacher to the course advisor and he said he will look into it and hopefully they will see that the Landscape teacher is really terrible at teaching, and that they will change the lecturer. kay, I'm done blogging! :)

I'm really stressed/annoyed/pissed of at a lot of things, so please cut me some slack. Church was the day when you can see how unhappy some people were with the state of YE and I'm not saying I'm super happy over it but it can be improved.

The cell group at first I was not really happy but after I sat down with them and we began to talk I guess it was alright, Andrew, Enyao, Alethea, Cassandra, Audrey, Gary, Jolene, Natalie, Felice and Darren. Darren and Felice are my assistant which is think is great. :) Thats the NEW Hope cell. :)

So then other people were not really happy with the arrangements of the cell groups but like what Daryl said "They have their reasons"

So yeah anyway, lately I have been feeling really stressed with all the work/projects that have been piling up and it's really hard to keep myself happy because I'll just be really negative to everything.

So if I have annoyed you with my moody self please excuse me. I am really really very stressed. Right now I have 5 Projects/Reports to do.

God please help me. =(

I really am going to break down soon. It's so hard to keep up with the singapore system. sigh.