I really wonder why I do this so often, like one minute I'm totally fine and I'm going with the flow, other times I feel that whatever is going on around me is not very christian like and I think to myself why did I say/do that.

And then I know that God is disappointed in me and I cannot undo what I did/say and sometimes I try very hard to stop or be quiet but the situation I'm placed in is seriously not an easy one to be with. It's really hard to be a Christian, it's not that I'm giving up, it's just sometimes when you stumble and fall down, it's really depressing and hard to get up.

I really respect those Christians that are so grounded, I really do want to change my ways..

I'm not writing this for you to think I'm trying to act holy or whatever, but this has been bothering me for quite sometime and it's so wrong but yet I'm not strong enough to overcome this.

MAJOR SIGH!